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  • LarrySmame

    19/05/2017 20:53

    ?Sample Essay Responses and Reader Commentary for that Argument Task
    The sample essays that follow ended up written in response to the prompt that appears below . The rater commentary that follows just about every sample essay explains how the response meets the criteria for that score. For a a whole lot more carry out understanding within the criteria for each individual score point, see the “Analyze an Argument” Scoring Guide .
    In surveys Mason City residents rank water sports (swimming, boating and fishing) among their favorite recreational activities. The Mason River flowing through the city is rarely utilized for these pursuits, however, and also city park department devotes minimal of its budget to maintaining riverside recreational facilities. For years there have been complaints from residents about the high-quality within the river’s water and then the river’s smell. In response, the state has lately announced plans to clean up Mason River. Use within the river for water sports is therefore sure to increase. The city government should for that reason devote far more money in such a year’s budget to riverside recreational facilities.
    Produce a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of your argument. Be sure to explain how the argument is dependent over the assumptions and what the implications are if the assumptions prove unwarranted.
    Note: All responses are reproduced exactly as written, which include errors, misspellings, etc. if any.
    Essay Response – Score 6
    At the same time it may be true that the Mason City government ought to devote extra money to riverside recreational facilities, this author’s argument does not make a cogent case for increased resources in accordance with river use. It is uncomplicated to understand why city residents would want a cleaner river, but this argument is rife with holes and assumptions, and thus, not powerful enough to lead to increased funding.
    Citing surveys of city residents, the author reports city resident’s love of water sports. It just isn’t clear, however, the scope and validity of that survey. For example, the survey could have asked residents if they prefer choosing the river for water sports or would like to see a hydroelectric dam constructed, which may have swayed residents toward river sports. The sample may not have been representative of city residents, asking only those residents who live upon the river. The survey may have been ten internet pages extended, with two questions dedicated to river sports. We just do not know. Unless the survey is fully representative, valid, and reliable, it can not be employed to effectively again the author’s argument.
    Additionally, the author implies that residents do not make use of the river for swimming, boating, and fishing, despite their professed interest, mainly because the water is polluted and smelly. Whilst a polluted, smelly river would probably cut down on river sports, a concrete relationship around the resident’s lack of river use and also river’s latest state is absolutely not effectively made. Though there have been complaints, we do not know if there have been numerous complaints from the huge assortment of people, or perhaps from a particular or two individuals who made numerous complaints. To strengthen his/her argument, the author would benefit from implementing a normed survey asking a large variety of residents why they do not at this time utilize the river.
    Developing upon the implication that residents do not utilize the river due to the superior quality for the river’s water and therefore the smell, the author suggests that a river clean up will result in increased river usage. If the river’s water level of quality and smell result from problems which could possibly be cleaned, this may be true. For example, if the decreased water high quality and aroma is caused by pollution by factories along the river, this conceivably could be remedied. But if the level of quality and aroma outcome from the natural mineral deposits inside the water or surrounding rock, this may not be true. There are some bodies of water which emit a effective smell of sulphur due to the geography from the area. This is simply not something probable to be afffected by a clean-up. Consequently, a river clean up may have no impact upon river usage. Regardless of whether the river’s premium is able to be improved or not, the author does not effectively reveal a relationship around water high quality and river usage.
    A clean, beautiful, safe river often adds into a city’s property values, leads to increased tourism and revenue from those who come to take advantage of your river, plus a improved overall premium of life for residents. For these reasons, city government may decide to invest in improving riverside recreational facilities. However, this author’s argument isn’t probably significantly persuade the city goverment to allocate increased funding.
    Reader Commentary for Essay Response – Score 6
    This insightful response identifies important assumptions and thoroughly examines their implications. The essay shows that the proposal to spend greater on riverside recreational facilities rests on three questionable assumptions, namely:
    that the survey delivers a reliable basis for budget planning
    that the river’s pollution and odor are the only reasons for its constrained recreational use
    that efforts to clean the water and remove the odor will be successful
    By showing that each individual assumption is highly suspect, this essay demonstrates the weakness within the entire argument. For example, paragraph two points out that the survey may perhaps not have made use of a representative sample, may have offered confined choices, and can have contained very several questions on water sports.
    Paragraph 3 examines the tenuous relationship in between complaints and constrained use from the river for recreation. Complaints about water premium and odor may be coming from only a couple people and, even if these complaints are numerous, other completely different factors may be considerably even more significant in reducing river usage. Finally, paragraph four explains that certain geologic qualities may prevent effective river clean-up. Details this kind of as these supply compelling help.
    Also, careful organization ensures that every new point builds upon the previous ones. For example, note the clear transitions on the beginning of paragraphs 3 and four, also as being the rational sequence of sentences inside paragraphs (specifically paragraph four).
    Although this essay does contain minor errors, it nonetheless conveys ideas fluently. Note the effective word choices (e.g. “rife with. assumptions” and “may have swayed residents”). Moreover, sentences are not merely varied; they also display skillful embedding of subordinate components.
    Since this response deals cogent examination on the argument and conveys meaning skillfully, it earns a score of 6.
    Essay Response – Score 5
    The author of this proposal to increase the budget for Mason City riverside recreational facilities gives an interesting argument but to move forward over the proposal would definitely require extra specifics and thought. Whereas the correlations stated are reasonable and probable, there may be hidden factors that prevent the City from diverting resources to this assignment.
    For example, consider the survey rankings among Mason City residents. The thought tends to be that these kinds of huge regard for water sports will translate into usage. But, survey responses can hardly be second hand as indicators of actual behavior. A large amount of surveys conducted after the winter holidays reveal people who list exercise and weight loss as a top priority. Yet every profession does not equal a new gym membership. Even the wording within the survey outcomes remain ambiguous and vague. Whereas water sports may be among the residents’ favorite activities, this permits a multitude of other favorites. What remains unknown is the priorities on the general public. Do they favor these water sports previously mentioned a softball area or soccer area? Are they willing to sacrifice the municipal golf course for more beneficial riverside facilities? Indeed the survey hardly offers enough info to discern foreseeable future use of improved facilities.
    Closely linked to the surveys is the bold assumption that a cleaner river will result in increased usage. Despite the fact that it is just not illogical to expect some increase, at what degree will people begin to utilize the river? The answer to this question requires a survey to discover out the reasons our residents use or do not utilize the river. Is river water good quality the primary limiting factor to usage or the lack of docks and piers? Are people much more interested in water sports than the recreational activities that they are presently engaged in? These questions will help the city government forecast how a great deal river usage will increase and to assign a proportional increase to the budget.
    Likewise, the author is optimistic regarding the state promise to clean the river. We absolutely need to hear the source with the voices and consider any ulterior motives. Is this a campaign yr also, the plans a campaign promise from the state representative? What is the timeline with the clean-up effort? Will the state fully fund this task? We can imagine the misuse of funds in renovating the riverside facilities only to watch the new buildings fall into dilapidation though the state drags the river clean-up.
    Last, the author does not consider where these added funds will be diverted from. The present budget situation must be assessed to determine if this increase is generally afforded. In the perception, the City may not be willing to draw money absent from other key projects from road improvements to schools and education. The author naively assumes that the money can simply appear without forethought on where it will come from.
    Examining all the varied angles and factors involved with improving riverside recreational facilities, the argument does not justify increasing the budget. When the proposal does highlight a possibility, a bit more related information is required to warrant any action.
    Reader Commentary for Essay Response – Score 5
    Every paragraph within the body of this perceptive essay identifies and examines an unstated assumption that’s crucial to the argument. The major assumptions discussed are:
    that a survey can accurately predict behavior
    that cleaning the river will, in itself, increase recreational usage
    that state plans to clean the river will actually be realized
    that Mason City can afford to spend even more on riverside recreational facilities
    Assist in just about every paragraph is both of those thoughtful and thorough. For example, paragraph two points out vagueness from the wording belonging to the survey: Even if water sports rank among the favorite recreational activities of Mason City residents, other sports may even now be considerably additional popular. Thus, if the initial assumption proves unwarranted, the argument to fund riverside facilities – rather than soccer fields or golf courses – becomes a good deal weaker. Paragraph four considers several reasons why river clean-up plans may not be successful (the plans may be nothing much more than campaign guarantees or funding may not be adequate). Thus, the weakness in the third assumption undermines the argument that river recreation will increase and riverside improvements will be needed in any way.
    Instead of dismissing each and every assumption in isolation, this response places them in the sensible order and considers their connections. Note the suitable transitions relating to and inside of paragraphs, clarifying the links among the assumptions (e.g. “Closely linked to the surveys …” or “The answer to this question requires. “).
    Along with effective enhancement, this response also displays facility with language. Minor errors in punctuation are current, but word choices are apt and sentences suitably varied in pattern and size. The response works by using quite a lot of rhetorical questions, but the implied answers are always clear enough to service the points being made.
    Thus, the response satisfies all specifications for a score of 5, but its improvement isn’t thorough or compelling enough for a 6.
    Essay Response – Score four
    The problem with the arguement is the assumption that if the Mason River were being cleaned up, that people would use it for water sports and recreation. This isn’t necessarily true, as people may rank water sports among their favorite recreational activities, but that does not mean that those same people have the monetary ability, time or equipment to pursue those interests.
    However, even if the writer of your arguement is correct in assuming that the Mason River will be applied considerably more by the city’s residents, the arguement does not say why the recreational facilities want further money. If recreational facilities by now exist along the Mason River, why should the city allot a whole lot more money to fund them? If the recreational facilities currently in existence will be put into use a good deal more while in the coming years, then they will be making way more money for themselves, eliminating the need to get to the city government to devote significantly more money to them.
    According to the arguement, the reason people are not by making use of the Mason River for water sports is simply because within the smell also, the premium of water, not since the recreational facilities are unacceptable.
    If the city government alloted increased money to the recreational facilities, then the budget is being cut from some other important city venture. Also, if the assumptions proved unwarranted, plus more people did not make use of the river for recreation, then quite a bit money is actually wasted, not only the money for that recreational facilities, but also the money that was applied to clean up the river to attract significantly more people inside of the to start with area.
    Reader Commentary for Essay Response – Score four
    This competent response identifies two unstated assumptions:
    that cleaning up the Mason River will lead to increased recreational use
    that current facilities along the river have added funding
    Paragraph 1 presents reasons why the primary assumption is questionable (e.g. residents may not have the necessary time or money for water sports). Similarly, paragraphs two and 3 explain that riverside recreational facilities may by now be adequate and may, in fact, yield other income if usage increases. Thus, the response is adequately developed and satisfactorily organized to clearly show how the argument is dependent on questionable assumptions.
    However, this essay does not rise to some score of 5 seeing that it fails to consider several other unstated assumptions (e.g. that the survey is reliable or that the efforts to clean the river will be successful). Furthermore, the final paragraph makes some extraneous, unsupported assertions of its private. Mason City may actually have a budget surplus so that cuts to other projects will not be necessary, and cleaning the river may deliver other real benefits even if it is simply not made use of a little more for water sports.
    This response is generally complimentary of errors in grammar and usage and displays sufficient control of language to assist a score of four.
    Essay Response – Score 3
    Surveys are created to speak for your people; however, surveys do not always speak with the whole community. A survey completed by Mason City residents concluded that the residents enjoy water sports as a sort of recreation. If that could be so evident, why has the river not been applied? The blame can not be soley be placed in the city park department. The city park department can only do as a great deal as they observe. The real issue is not really the residents use belonging to the river, but their desire for a a bit more pleasant smell together with a increased pleasant sight. If the city government cleans the river, it might just take years to the smell to go absent. If the budget is changed to accomodate the clean up within the Mason River, other problems will arise. The residents will then begin to complain about other issues in their city that will be ignored considering within the incredible emphasis being placed on Mason River. If way more money is taken out from the budget to clean the river an assumption can certainly be made. This assumption is usually that the budget for another part of cit maintenance or making will be tapped into to. Furthermore, to the budget being applied to clean up Mason River, it will also be allocated in increasing riverside recreational facilites. The government is trying to appease its residents, and an individual can warrant that the role on the government is to please the people. There are a great number of assumptions being made; however, the government can not make the assumption that people want the river to be cleaned so that they can use it for recreational water activities. The government has to realize the lengthy term effects that their decision will have about the monetary value of their budget.
    Reader Commentary for Essay Response – Score 3
    Even though substantially of this essay is tangential, it provides some relevant examination of your argument’s assumptions. The early sentences mention a questionable assumption (that the survey final results are reliable) but do not explain how the survey would possibly have been flawed. Then the response drifts to irrelevant matters – a defense for the city park department, a prediction of budget problems additionally, the problem of pleasing city residents.
    Some statements even introduce unwarranted assumptions that are not part with the original argument (e.g. “The residents will then begin to complain about other issues” and “This assumption is always that the budget for another part of city maintenance or making will be tapped into”). Near the finish, the response does correctly note that city government should not assume that residents hope to utilize the river for recreation. Hence, the proposal to increase funding for riverside recreational facilities may not be justified.
    In summary, the language during this response is reasonably clear, but its examination of unstated assumptions remains restricted and therefore earns a score of 3.
    Essay Response – Score two
    This statement looks like sensible, but there are some wrong sentences in it which is absolutely not sensible.
    1st, this statement mentions raking water sports as their favorite recreational activities in the 1st sentence. However, it appears to have a ralation among the for starters sentence additionally, the setence which mentions that increase the high quality for the river’s water and then the river’s smell. This could be a wrong cause and result to solve the problem.
    Second, as a reponse to the complaints from residents, the state plan to clean up the river. As a result, the state expects that water sports will increase. As you take a look at two sentences, the result is simply not proper for your cause.
    Third, the last statement is the summary. However, even though residents rank water sports, the city government could possibly devote the budget to another issue. This statement is additionally a wrong cause and result.
    In summary, the statement is absolutely not reasonable considering the fact that there are some errors in it. The supporting setences are not formidable enough to aid this issue.
    Reader Commentary for Essay Response – Score two
    Although this essay appears to be carefully organized, it does not follow the directions with the assigned task. In his/her vague references to causal fallacies, the writer attempts rational analysis but never refers to any unstated assumptions. Furthermore, several errors in grammar and sentence structure interfere with meaning (e.g. “This statement looks like sensible, but there are some wrong sentences in it which is not really logical”).
    Considering the fact that this response “does not follow the directions for that assigned task” and consists of errors in sentence structure and rational enhancement, it earns a score of two.
    Essay Response – Score 1
    The statement assumes that everybody in Mason City enjoys some sort of recreational activity, which may not be necessarily true. The statement also assumes that if the state cleans up the river, the use belonging to the river for water sports will definitely increase.
    Reader Commentary for Essay Response – Score 1
    The brevity of this two-sentence response makes it fundamentally deficient. Sentence 1 states an assumption which is actually not current during the argument, and sentence two correctly states an assumption but can provide no discussion of its implications. Although the response may begin to address the assigned task, it offers you no enhancement. As this sort of, it is clearly “extremely brief. providing very little evidence of an organized response” and earns a score of 1.
    Navigation for GRE Home
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  • LarrySmame

    19/05/2017 12:28

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  • LarrySmame

    19/05/2017 8:40

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